Forgiveness

Filled with resentment

Burning with anger

I keep a tight grasp on my feelings

With no room for peace to enter

But it’s hurting, all too painful

Deeper than I remember the abuse to be

Eating up at my life

Inhibiting all chances of bliss  

I expected more, deserved better

Where was the love I sought?

All I got was the abuse

And now I’m living in the aftermath

I want to soak up the joy

But I keep drinking the poison

I need to let go and breathe

Release us both from my heart’s prison

I see you now with compassion

You could not do better

But alas, I can and I will

I shall live with mercy in my heart

I have forgiven the universe

And the universe has given me serenity

Dream a Little Dream

I have a dream
A vision
Of what kind of life I want

The life I deserve

A life of peace
Filled with joy 

Healthy days

When pain no longer haunts me

But all that is just a far off dream

A dream I cannot achieve by wishing alone

It is nothing without a plan

The life I deserve will never come unless I bring it in

So I set forth on this journey

Of bringing my life alive
By keeping myself alive
And advocating for the peace and joy I deserve

I'm Sorry Body

I'm Sorry Body,

For calling you names, shaming you
and putting you down, lest you be proud.

For hiding you under layers of clothing
ashamed for so many years.

For starving you and depriving you
in hopes of getting slimmer.

For forcing pills through your system,
depleting you of the little nutrients you had left.

For not respecting and abusing you.

For making you sick and ignoring your needs.

For not acknowledging the miracle that you are.

But most of all for hating you.

Please, forgive me. Let's be friends.

I promise to do my best to nurture and nourish you.

To respect and take care of you.

But most of all, I will love you. 

For you hold my soul and you deserve the best.

I'm sorry, body, I will do better going forward.

The Day I Made My Decision

The day I made my decision

I called JCW

On that very day

I searched my heart

And considered all the factors

Well, all but one.

Just one factor

The one we read about in the media

Never crossed my mind for a second

It had no influence over my decision

Money.

The media always paints the victim with a broad brush

As a money hungry, attention-starved nobody

Looking to ruin the life of a celebrity

As if sexual abuse could never be true

But the day I made my decision

When I called JCW

And said I’m ready, let’s do this

I want to confront my abuser

And expressed what I needed to make my life right again

I never spoke of money

I asked to protect society

And promised to preserve his family

I told him to go therapy

To heal himself, like he so badly needed

But I never asked for money

Because all a survivor really needs is closure. 

*JCW-Jewish Community Watch

www.jewishcommunitywatch.org

 

Frozen

Alone

secluded

locked up in my castle

you think I am rejecting you

but in reality, I am protecting you

both you 

and I 

 

I build up these castle walls

tall

solid

to get in is an impossible feat

only allowed to very few

the privileged

most trusted

sensitive souls

 

My heart seems 

frozen

aloof

the world thinks I do not care

but the cold bothers me

it's all I can do to keep from 

melting, thawing

and losing the power

 

But it's time to change

I can no longer hide

my past

it's dark

and scary

I'm haunted by these secrets

now I need to let it go

rise up and break the ice

test limits

break boundaries

let the world know

the frozen queen is silent no more

The Life

Let me tell you about life
the life of a survivor

A survivor who was a victim
and rose up to the challenge of life

A survivor who blossomed
in the face of trauma

A survivor who's every success
is a downfall for the abuser

A survivor who continues to live
even after you killed her

A survivor who thrives and grows
despite your attempts to stunt his growth

Because a survivor is a fighter
a warrior and a champion.

And that is a life worth living,
the life of a survivor.