Sweet Poison

Years and years of silence
Waiting to talk
To tell my story
To share what I know

But you told me to shut up
And so I did
Kept quiet
But now I'm done

I'm done listening
To your abuse
To your lies
No longer taking orders

Now I can't stop talking
Everywhere I go
It's all I do
It's all that comes out

I'm overwhelmed with an urge
To protect the young
A burning desire
To educate all

You complain that I'm poison
To your mind
With my ideas
And now you think about abuse

Inside I chuckle and laugh
It's about time
Oh and don't worry, Dad
It's what I like to call sweet poison.

If I Told You the Truth

If I told you the truth
Would you believe me?

If you heard my whole story
Could you ever face me?

When you hear I am a survivor
Do you cringe?

Do you want to know it all?
Will you tell me you believe me?

If you heard me say his name
Would you say it's not possible?

If I choose to trust you
Will I soon regret it?

When I speak about all that he has done
Will you tell me to stop telling lies?

Do you want to know the truth?
Or do you prefer a blissful ignorance?

Damsel in Distress

Look at me
See my strengths
Want my beauty

See me
As a survivor
A waging warrior

Want me
For who I am
And all that I can be

Don't look at me
And see me
As a damsel in distress

Don't look at me
And want me
Like a problem to be solved

When I look at my life
I see pain and hurt
As building blocks to my blessings

When I see me
I see my past overcome
And a future to be built

I want you
To throw away what you see
And see what I see

Could you please?

Puzzle Pieces

When I was born
I was given one piece
The puzzle piece of life
But one piece does not do much good

I held onto it and saved it
As time went on, more pieces were added
I received passion and energy
Eventually the piece for words too

I found the pieces for relationships
Hidden away, getting kind of dusty
And I started to put it together
But alas, I did not have a complete picture

It felt like I was losing pieces
My puzzle would never be complete
But then something happened
It changed how I was figuring it out

I stopped living to complete the puzzle
I no longer attempted to find the missing pieces
Instead I just lived.
I took the pieces I had and used them daily

And somehow the missing pieces came around
They seemed to appear out of thin air
Snapping into place
The picture started to appear

I saw that was I was doing, the way I was living
Using the pieces from my early years
To create my picture now
Helped me find my way and my mission

I fell into this role
I was just trying to clean up
And put together a thousand piece puzzle
But instead I created my life

Deep Hearts

Deep Hearts
They hold more
And feel more
But mine also gives more

My passion is my strength
Don't tell me to lose it
It's the captain that drives
My deep heart

And in my deep heart
I hold many emotions
It pulls me in to your kindness
But pushes me away when I'm hurt

I was not born to be still
And lead a quiet, mediocre life
This deep heart can only keep pumping
When it gives and leads and creates

You say I'm too sensitive
They say I'm too intense
But I say this is how my blood flows
Its where I get my oxygen

Independence for All

To be free
To choose
To be free
To speak

That is independence.

To live
In happiness
To live
In peace

That is independence.

To speak
Without fear
To speak
Without whispers

That is independence.

But I cannot live
Until all our shackles are removed.

If one survivor is living in fear

None of us are free.

So let us not celebrate freedom
Let us not embrace independence.

Rather, let us work and create goals

Towards freeing our chained brothers and sisters.

Always a Fighter

Everyone says I'm a fighter
But no one knows my battle

Everyone knows I fight
But no one knows against whom

The time has come to tell the truth
I have been fighting half a battle

And until I stand up and commit
I will lose this fight against all of them

But its not my battle, not my choice
I must stand up and speak out

Tell the world what happens at home
When the abuse is in your own bed

For all the girls who suffered this way
For all the boys who weren't believed

For all the siblings who were pushed aside
For all the children who didn't dare speak up

I will always be a fighter
Because you deserve a voice

It's What I Do With My Pain

Survivors. It's such a general term.

We use it for anyone who has been through sexual abuse. But not everyone who has been through sexual abuse is the same. There are different types of abuse. And that leads to various effects. And all these people who have been abused turn out differently.

There are the Forever Victims. They may speak up about their abuse. They may not. However, it is always about them. Their message is always the same. I have been hurt. I have been betrayed. You owe me now. You all owe me. Everything is about my pain and suffering, never about empowerment and moving forward. They pull out the victim card whenever they get the chance.

Then there are the Survivors. The ones who have been hurt and acknowledge that. But then they decide they want to heal. They want to have a good life, turn the pain into power. So this is what they talk about, how awful the abuse was and how it transformed them, changed their lives. It's a powerful and important message, one we all need to hear.

And then some Survivors become Advocates. They dedicate their lives to helping others become Survivors. They speak up about their abuse because they know how important it is for others to hear how devastating and how common it is. It is these Advocates who are changing the face of sexual abuse, today and tomorrow. They empower other Survivors just by being, just their mere existence inspires others. Because they make it about everyone else's suffering. Not their own. That was just the process they had to endure to save others.

But let's not be mistaken and assume that it is the ones who have endured the worst abuse and with the least support who become Forever Victims. Interestingly enough, it is usually the ones who have been hurt the most who sympathize the most. They have been hurt and beaten and stepped on, over and over, so they understand how much it hurts. They want to make you feel better and not go through what they did.

"Above all be the heroine of your own life, not the victim."